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When considering Zanzubism, one must consider who Zanzubis is, who his intergalactic enemies are, and what kind of divine
punishment he handed out to them.
Zanzubis is an intergalactic space entity who grew up in the Negaverse space
system. He went to high school with Xenu, the alien warlord popularised in the religion of Scientology. Once friends, these
two space dynamos had an all powerful disagreement on the topic of why humans are such spiteful creatures. Xenu claimed it
was the thetans, however Zanzubis claimed correctly that it was because they do not understand the true nature of the
purpose. Not only that, they didn't know anything about the process, therefore happiness is impossible.
And so these two space dynamos had an ultimate face-off; pitting Zanzubis' mind-blowing awe against Xenu's...
well. Yeah.
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| The Anti-Zanzubis, none other than Shania Twain, singing her songs of blasphemy. |
As if that divine annihilation wasn't enough, the Anti-Zanzubis, the infamous Shania Twain,
imposed economic sanctions on star cruisers and picked up where Xenu left off, claiming that Zanzubis was all wrong, that
thetans did exist, and that the human race needed to be purged!
This ultra grudge match of mega proportions resulted in a series of intergalactic fights, in all of which
Zanzubis handed out healthy servings of justice in the form of repeated celestial beltings, such was the impudence
of the wench. The final and divine condemnation was that Shania be condemned to an insignificant Earthly existence
where nobody likes her. Thus the human race, unbeknownst to them, were granted salvation from the wicked mind control powers
of Scientology; only the impressionable ones would ever fall under its evil power.
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Conclusive proof that Shania Twain is the Anti-Zanzubis can be deduced from her hymns of blasphemy:
Taken from the telling (and in some ways disturbing) hymn "Up!"
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like
nothing wants to go my way -
(1)
yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I
could grow a beard (?) (2)
Then I could cover up my spots
not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear
Chorus:
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here (3)
Up--up--up
Up where the clouds don't appear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long (4)
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on
[Repeat Chorus]
Oh I'm going up
I'm going up
I'm going up (5)
I'm
going up
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
From the above, we can conclude the following:
1. It just hasn't been Shania's day.
2. Her skin is acting weird, so she wants to grow a beard, to cover up the bruises she suffered
when receiving a celestial belting for her impudence from Zanzubis.
3. The chorus describes her apparent desire to ascend.
4. Shania, ominously, begins singing in the second person. It is blatantly obvious now that she
wishes to ascend with the human race into the outer reaches of the galaxy ("up where the clouds don't appear")
to Blisstopia, in order to cleanse humans of all the thetans.
5. This ascension happened at the exact moment she wrote the lyrics.
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"Man!
I Feel Like A Heathen!"
I'm
going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Any souls in the lost-and-found?
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah,
I wanna scream and shout
No inhibitions-make no conditions
Christianity is outta line
I ain't gonna act politically
correct
And look my lyrics can rhyme
The best thing about being a heathen
Is the prerogative to have a little
fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Gonna convert the Christians first
Oh, oh, oh, killin’
your mind-yeah, do it in style-yeah
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Spreadin’ some lies-follow
or die
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a heathen!
The people need
a break-tonight we're gonna fake
The chance to get away from the bad
We don't need salvation-don’t need emancipation
Let
go of Jesus Christ’s saving hand
The best thing about being a heathen
Is
the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Gonna convert the weak
ones first
Oh, oh, oh, gimme your mind-yeah, gimme your child-yeah
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Spreadin’
some lies-follow or die
Oh, oh, oh, you wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a heathen!
The
best thing about being a heathen
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, killin’ the masses-they
are defenceless
Kill the women and children first
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, do it in style-yeah
Oh, oh, oh,
get in the action-feel the attraction
Blood in the air-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, now you are free-yeah, to feel the
way I feel
Man! I feel like a heathen!
I get totally crazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, come on baby
I
feel like a heathen
Transcribed by brother "Richardius V" of the Zanzubian order.
You can contact me at: the_reaver5@hotmail.com
Questions about our creator, Zanzubis The IMMORTAL
shall be answered
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